It was actually kind of difficult to round out this list because I really enjoy playing games in general, but these top 5 really get my metaphorical goat. These are 5 games that you're probably going to have to work to convince me to play, and two that are almost certainly going to be a flat-out NO! But I digress, here's #5 through #1:
#5: We Didn't Playtest This At All
I like light games as much as the next guy, I mean I have a Top 10 of Fillers (Part 1, Part 2) that was a joy write. This game is just ridiculous for the sake of being ridiculous, and not in a good way. The game, if it can be called that, is just random, unbalanced card playing. Zero strategy, 100% chance is not a good game. It's not even a game, it's an activity. Maybe it could work as a drinking game? This might have a place in some gaming groups, but I think I'd rather play Tiddlywinks or Don't Wake Daddy.
#4 Fluxx
I almost feel a little bad putting this on here, because Pirate Fluxx was one of my gateway games. However, this game has some serious problems. The best description I've ever read of Fluxx is that "it's a 15 minute game crammed into an hour!" So much of the game is slowed down by randomness and players using "take-that" cards to stop others from winning. The game usually ends with a whimper as nobody cares who wins and someone just wants to end the damn thing.
Other qualms with Fluxx? ENDLESS RETHEMES. As of this article, here are the variations of Fluxx: Regular Fluxx, Cthulhu, Zombies, Monty Python, EcoFluxx, Star Fluxx, Pirate, Oz Fluxx, Monster, Martian, Regular Show, Cartoon Network, Holiday, Stoner, as well as the upcoming Batman and Adventure Time. THIS IS THE SAME FREAKING GAME WITH 20 DIFFERENT THEMES!!! WHY?!?!
#3: Evolution
This is a lot like Lords of Waterdeep earlier, this game made the list because I can see what this game really could be but isn't. Here's the sales pitch: You get different species of animals that get special traits that let them play differently and you try to keep them alive for as long as possible. Sounds awesome right!? What kind of animal do you get? A miniature? A card? A pawn?
You get a freaking piece of wood and a cube to track body size and population. No name, no base animals, you can't even play one of your cards to represent what species you start with, it's completely abstracted out of the game. The traits are kind of interesting, but limited and really didn't grab my attention. I like dry games, even ones with crappy themes, but this game didn't even feel remotely like my species was evolving. Positives? It has the coolest start player token I've ever seen:
#2: Phase 10
Alright, I'll admit it. I used to think this game was the bees-knees. I used to want to play it all the time at my grandparent's house when they started playing cards. I'm going to admit something else to you: I've never finished one game of this piece of garbage and I'm guessing you haven't either. If Fluxx is a 15 minute game played in an hour, Phase 10 is a 10 minute game played in 3 hours.
Just like Life, you don't make an interesting decision the entire game. Either you take the top card of the discard pile or draw from the draw deck. Other than that, the game plays itself. It's a deflating and frustrating exercise of watching people move on while you are stuck in previous rounds at no fault of your own. I get it, it's easy to learn and a conversation-type game, but I can suggest so many better games than Phase 10 that at least require some iota of skill. It's a popular game that people think they want to play until it gets going and you hate your life because Bob just finished 7 cards of one color and you're stuck on Phase 2 for the 5th round in a row.
Just like Life, you don't make an interesting decision the entire game. Either you take the top card of the discard pile or draw from the draw deck. Other than that, the game plays itself. It's a deflating and frustrating exercise of watching people move on while you are stuck in previous rounds at no fault of your own. I get it, it's easy to learn and a conversation-type game, but I can suggest so many better games than Phase 10 that at least require some iota of skill. It's a popular game that people think they want to play until it gets going and you hate your life because Bob just finished 7 cards of one color and you're stuck on Phase 2 for the 5th round in a row.
#1: Monopoly
Was there ever any doubt about this one? I'm going to break this hatred into a few parts.
Part 1: The misconception of board games:
Monopoly is the first game people think of when you mention board games. Which is odd, because when you talk about it everyone mentions how much they hate the game, yet it's the representation of that particular hobby. If someone hated Monopoly, how likely are they to try to branch out to different board games when they've clearly had bad experiences in the past. On top of that, people assume that Monopoly is the pinnacle of games: that this convoluted capitalism simulator is the best gaming can be and it all goes down hill from there. Not so fast my friend.
Part 2: House Rules:
I can't believe I'm admitting this because my board gamer card could be revoked, but Monopoly is playable if you follow the actual freaking rules. If you give people money when they land on this spot:
Part 1: The misconception of board games:
Monopoly is the first game people think of when you mention board games. Which is odd, because when you talk about it everyone mentions how much they hate the game, yet it's the representation of that particular hobby. If someone hated Monopoly, how likely are they to try to branch out to different board games when they've clearly had bad experiences in the past. On top of that, people assume that Monopoly is the pinnacle of games: that this convoluted capitalism simulator is the best gaming can be and it all goes down hill from there. Not so fast my friend.
Part 2: House Rules:
I can't believe I'm admitting this because my board gamer card could be revoked, but Monopoly is playable if you follow the actual freaking rules. If you give people money when they land on this spot:
I hate you. I mentioned the game is a capitalism simulation, that means adding money back into the game constantly just delays the game. Also, did you know that if you don't want to buy a property that you land on, or you can't afford it, that you have to put it up for auction to all players?! When's the last time you played with that rule in place? If you play by the rules in Monopoly, it's maybe an hour. If you play with all the house rules, this is how you might feel about Monopoly (Warning: Swears):
Finally Dane Cook is relevant again!
Part 3: It Breaks Every Good Gaming Rule
One of the worst things in gaming is player elimination, because nobody likes sitting and watching your friends have fun without you. This is usually ok in short games like Coup, but in long, drawn out games like Monopoly and Risk, it's a serious problem and one that's unacceptable in the era of modern gaming.
Another problem? It has a runaway leader. Just like in real capitalism, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer and unless some miraculous event occurs, there is no way to catch-up. Who doesn't like watching their friend turn into a swaggering douchebag smiling from ear to ear as they collect their Park Place rent while you mortgage your properties to afford it. That's fun, right?!
Lastly, there is no skill in the game. There might be a tiny little bit if you play with the auction rules, but other than that the entire game is determined by chance. Where you move? Chance. Drawing cards? Chance. There are even solved probabilities for the best properties to own, but it's not like you have any damn choice in which ones to pick.
Part 3: It Breaks Every Good Gaming Rule
One of the worst things in gaming is player elimination, because nobody likes sitting and watching your friends have fun without you. This is usually ok in short games like Coup, but in long, drawn out games like Monopoly and Risk, it's a serious problem and one that's unacceptable in the era of modern gaming.
Another problem? It has a runaway leader. Just like in real capitalism, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer and unless some miraculous event occurs, there is no way to catch-up. Who doesn't like watching their friend turn into a swaggering douchebag smiling from ear to ear as they collect their Park Place rent while you mortgage your properties to afford it. That's fun, right?!
Lastly, there is no skill in the game. There might be a tiny little bit if you play with the auction rules, but other than that the entire game is determined by chance. Where you move? Chance. Drawing cards? Chance. There are even solved probabilities for the best properties to own, but it's not like you have any damn choice in which ones to pick.
Final Thoughts
If you absolutely HAVE TO play Monopoly, pick up Monopoly Deal from Amazon. It's $5, plays in maybe 20 minutes, has the take-that aspect of Monopoly with a little bit of skill in the card play. It's a solid game, and made it onto my list of favorite fillers, so give that a shot. Then for the love of God stay away from these 10 games!!! If you want a game recommended, tell me what you like and I will send you a list of games that might interest you, you deserve better than Monopoly.